Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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