My first STD was from a foam party
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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