When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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