Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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