She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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