Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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