omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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