i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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