wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
