she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I have aggressive nipples.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
