She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
