This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
