I will die if light touches me.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
