she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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