Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
How does one acquire holy water?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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