I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
