Having a random hookup so left but love u
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
