I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
