so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
