u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
