my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
