The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
