I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I can tuck mytits in my pants
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
