$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
