Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
