so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
