Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
