Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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