She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
