you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
