I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
