We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Pants are for mortals
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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