Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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