I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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