I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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