You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
