I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
