At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
smell my finger.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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