yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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