Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
