i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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