i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you had me at cake vodka
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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