I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
