I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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