my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
