Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
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