I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
