So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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