he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
