u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
