NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
